dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
