cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
