i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
