How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
