As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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