i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
