A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Boobs speak an international language.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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