found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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