so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
