Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
