i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
