I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
