The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
