AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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