So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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