quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
