3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
