he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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