sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Acid is not a monday night drug
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
