wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
