Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
