areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just tell him i said nine months
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
