so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
