he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
