Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
