So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
