I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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