Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
