from now on my penis is your penis
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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