I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
