Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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