I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just gift wrapped bread.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
