my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
