So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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