I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
