She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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