I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
