Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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