I want to have your abortion
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
