So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
