how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
This house was built for laser tag.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
