if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
