hell yes lets make some ravioli
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
