some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
