I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
