i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
