...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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