i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
