Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
