Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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