He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
