That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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