I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
