All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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