I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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